What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Pretty much every American over the age of 2 has heard this slogan. Las Vegas is the largest tourist destination in the world, with well over 30 million people visiting every year. It is gaudy, garish, loud, and obnoxious, as well as every other derisive adjective that you can think of.

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. What they don’t tell you in tourist brochures is that what stays in Vegas is your money.

My wife and I are big on travel and every year we try to visit as many new places as our meager vacation days allow. This year we chose Las Vegas as our destination. I did not want to go. In my mind, I have always imagined that the only two reasons to go to Las Vegas are gambling and legalized prostitution. Since I don’t like to gamble and I am happily married, I saw absolutely no reason to go to Vegas. However, my wife and two of my friends decided otherwise and I was outvoted.

The disappointment set in as soon as we landed. At the Alamo counter, a nice, grey-haired gentlemen patiently explained to us that even though the rental car is included in our travel package, we have to pay 30% taxes and 46 dollars a day for insurance separately. We were too tired to argue and I just threw my credit card on the counter.

When we got to the hotel, we found out that the $6.95 buffet that was promised to us in the travel brochure is available only to club members – for us mere mortals it would cost $40 per person.

When we finally settled in and had dinner, we decided to go for a stroll along the famous Las Vegas strip and enjoy the night scenery. At first, I was impressed. With the cover of darkness hiding all the unsightly construction sites, the strip looks very presentable and eye-catching. We spent hours walking around, taking pictures in and around all the major hotels and casinos.


My “impressed” state of mind ended with a visit to the Venetian. At a glance, the place looks gorgeous, with its ceiling painted as a very realistic-looking sky, indoor and outdoor canals and gondolas. However, at a closer look it is nothing more than a giant mall for people with too much disposable income. After being inside for a few minutes, the beauty of the interior design was quickly overshadowed by the never-ending chain of Prada, Hugo Boss and Gucci stores.

Same thing happened in New York New York where we went to see Zumanity, a Cirque de Soleil show. The inside of the casino is designed to resemble old New York streets, complete with shops, delis, restaurants, street lamps and street signs. Once again, the whole thing was spoiled by the omnipresent slot machines and card tables.
I never understood the appeal of gambling. One morning, my friend and I got up around 7AM and went downstairs to buy breakfast for our wives. In any given hotel in Vegas you cannot possibly walk two steps without bumping into a slot machine. On our way to a bagel shop in the hotel lobby we had to walk through a smallish gambling area; I was shocked to recognize several people sitting in front of the one-armed bandits from last night. From the looks of it, they spent over 8 continuous hours playing the slots, chain smoking and drinking. And losing money…
An interesting fact about Vegas is that the first hotel on what became today’s strip was the Flamingo, and it was built in 1946 by a mobster by the name of Bugsy Siegel. The wise guy did not get to enjoy the fruits of his labor for too long – he was shot in the eye in his Beverly Hills home less than a year later.
It is impossible to take two steps on the Las Vegas Boulevard without some homeless-looking person pushing a hooker card into your hands. On some of the busiest stretches of the strip the peddlers stand in lines of as many as 20, all trying to pedal call girl advertisements. As an experiment, my friend and I called the number of one of the dozens of cards that we collected during the walk, and were politely told that we can invite a girl to our hotel room for a low price of $180 for entertainment only, and the rest would be “between us and the girl”.
The only redeeming things about this trip were excursions to the Death Valley National Park, the Hoover Dam and the Grand Canyon.

The Hoover Dam is truly a marvel of engineering. Call me a geek, a nerd, a dork, but I was impressed with the Hoover Dam hell of a lot more than with the shiny lights of Vegas. The gargantuan project was started in 1931 and completed in 1935. Considering the size of the dam and the technology available in the 1930s made me realize what an amazing feat of engineering the Hoover Dam actually is.
The Death Valley was exactly what it sounds like – a desert. We drove for a few hours, found a dry lake and drove around it at 120 miles an hour. When we got back to the hotel, I read an article about a guy who did the same thing until his car fell through the dry crust and stuck in mud underneath. The poor guy ended up dying of dehydration and winning one of 2005’s Darwin awards (http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2005-05.html). I guess doing donuts on the lake’s bed wasn’t one of my brightest ideas.
The Grand Canyon is exactly what it sounds like – grand. It is one of the most breathtaking natural wonders that I have ever seen. Unfortunately, we spent very little time there – my friends did not dress for cold weather, and given how short winter days are, it got dark only a few hours after we entered the Grand Canyon National Park.
Next time I go out West, I am going to skip Vegas all together – it’s worth visiting for a day or two, but a whole week in the Sin City is way too much for my fragile psyche.